Don't Call Us, We'll Call you by Hoodoo
Disclaimer: Any recognizable characters are the property of Marvel
Comics. Which is good, because if I owned them they'd have to go through
this sort of thing all the time.
Enjoy!
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'Professor Xavier, come quick!' Jubilee cried breathlessly, bursting
through the doors of his private study without knocking.
The Professor immediately hit the 'mute' button on the stereo, and
dropped the pen he'd been using as a microphone to sing 'American Badass'
along with Kid Rock. He composed himself awkwardly and addressed the girl.
'Jubilation, how many times have I had to tell you - knock first! It's
only common courtesy!'
'Everyone can hear you sing in here,' she thought to herself peevishly.
Aloud she replied, 'But Professor! There's a big mob outside the front
gates! We thought you ought to see!'
'Friends of Humanity, again?' he muttered. 'That's what'two times this
month? Why have my mental blocks not affected these people?'
'No, Professor,' Jubilee insisted. 'These aren't the Friends of
Humanity! They're mutants!'
Startled and intrigued, he moved his chair to the front window. As
Jubilee had proclaimed, a very large, very rowdy crowd had gathered by
the front gates. Charles' face broke into a wide grin.
'Fellow mutants, Jubilation!' he said joyfully. 'People who've been
downtrodden and persecuted! Hurry - hurry now and let these poor souls in.'
'But-they aren't?' protested Jubilee as he pushed her from the room.
'they're not like us?'
'Nonsense! Let them in, treat them kindly, and send them up here so I
may meet them.'
With that, the Professor gave her another excited smile. With a final
shove, she was out the door. It closed behind her.
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Very soon, a large group of people had elbowed their way into Charles'
office. Scott, who'd escorted them to the room, had attempted to talk to
the Professor out of seeing them, but he'd been waved off impatiently.
Most of the people were could pass as normal Homo sapien, but Charles
knew their hidden abilities were capable of things no normal human could
dream of. A few were very obviously physical mutants; a short spindly
man in front had a fluffy tail poking from the back of his pants, and one
of the women was bright green.
'Welcome to the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning!' Charles said
brightly. 'What brings you all here enmass today? Normally we have to
go out looking for fellow mutants one at a time.'
A person in the back yelled, 'We're mutants!'
'Yes, I've established that,' Charles, ever patient, replied. 'What
brings you here?'
The green woman spoke up. 'We're here because you offer sanctuary. Our
mutations make us outcasts of society. Will you help us?'
Again Charles beamed warmly. 'That is why the Institute was founded,' he
said proudly. 'Within these walls, mutants can be free of
discrimination. Free of persecution. We strive to offer education for
both mutants and for non-mutant humans, so some day the world will be
peaceful and not divided by fear and hate.'
A person in the back yelled, 'Yeah, we've read the brochure! We also
know you don't make us work while we're living here. Free food, free
room! Woo hoo!'
The crowd cheered.
Charles cleared his throat. 'Yes, well . . . we'll talk of that later.
Please, please, may I have your attention again?'
Slowly a 'shhhh, shhhh,' trickled through the throng. When they'd
quieted down, he continued.
'Now, to better accommodate you and be able to better help you, please
tell me of each of your particular mutations.'
He was startled by the shouted, eager responses:
'I can smell ice cream in a closed freezer!'
'My fingernails glow in the dark!'
'I can talk to squirrels, and teach them to bark!' the bushy-tailed man
supplied, his tail flicking wildly about his head.
'I can always tell you what time it is'without a watch!'
A person in the back yelled, 'Streetlights go out when I pass under them!'
'I make things grow,' the green woman said, then added thoughtfully, 'but
only poppies. Yes. Only pretty poppies.'
'I've got three boobs!'
Charles swiveled his head in the direction of the last statement. The
woman who spoke was clothed in a shirt that's buttons were straining and
threatening to pop at any moment. He made a mental note of her.
The shouts continued:
'I always know what time it is'without a watch! Come on, ask me!'
'My hair feels like cotton balls!'
'The ability I have is to turn blue objects into green objects!'
'I create syndicated television shows!'
Overwhelmed by the responses, Charles was suddenly glad a large desk
separated him from the rabble. But they were getting more worked up by
the second, and were pushing and shoving to get in front.
'Thank you, thank you all,' he cried above the noise.
They barely acknowledged him, still fighting for position.
Scared for his life, Charles simultaneously pulled an emergency gas mask
out from a secret drawer, hit a button on the underside of his desk, and
screamed 'PLEASE SHUT UP!'
The group did, staring with open mouths at him.
'Thank you?' he continued, slipping the mask over his face. His voice
was muffled. 'Just take a few deep breaths, and everything will be all
right . . ..'
Yellow gas filled the room, and the mutants dropped into unconsciousness.
When the gas cleared, the Professor mentally called for his X-men to drag
the unmoving mutants from the premises.
'I can?t believe you didn't warn me, Jubilation,' he reprimanded the girl.
'But I tried to tell you?'
'No buts! You know the house rule: only mutants with super powers are
allowed to join the Institute! Super powers! Now go to your room.
There will be no supper for you, young lady!'
Jubilee stomped off, muttering under breath, realizing the other X-men
had made her go tell the Professor for just this reason.
Charles turned just as the last remaining few undesirables were being
dragged from the room. He saw Hank pick up the large chested woman.
Even while she was relaxed, her shirt was still strained.
'Oh, Henry-wait. She can stay.'
Beast gave him a questioning glance.
'I have been searching for a qualified secretary. I think she'll do
nicely, don't you?'
FIN
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author's note: you know, I just realized that I'm the person in the
back. ha ha!
Original can be found at http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=183769